i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
