My nipple is on Facebook.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
