Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
this boner is exhausting
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
