apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
