I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
