So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
