I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
