Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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