just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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