theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize