brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
