Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
