don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
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