yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
