Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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