Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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