one word: firstdatebathroomanal
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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