so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
where am i from again
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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