Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
