capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize