Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize