It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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