But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
