your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize