I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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