Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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