I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
