Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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