Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
