i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
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