C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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