You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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