I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
zippers are such a cool invention
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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