Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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