Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize