Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
soo... how was my night?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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