you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
