I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
