what day is it and did you see me today?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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