Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I wish there were birth control emojis
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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