sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
40s are totally the cure
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
