just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Randomize
