i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
