I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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