So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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