yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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