i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
