Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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