I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
