i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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