in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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