this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
