can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
