i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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