I accidentally burped into my bong.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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