im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Congratulations! We have a period
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