There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
