i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
