I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
