And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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