I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
