I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
smell my finger.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize