Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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