1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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