Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
