I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
