I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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