I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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