how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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