i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
