You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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