Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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