I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
